Twitter Search: “Shower Drain”

ACBaltimore Why is there corn in this shower drain?


sayraedio Last night I dreamed that I was picking giant chunks of onion out of my shower drain.


writrsblck wanted to reenact alfred hitchcock’s “Pyscho” what w/ all that red hair dye swirling down the shower drain. “pretty cool!”i screamed.


JanetOZ Pulled something that looked like a ferret out of my shower drain. It’s a wonder I have any hair left on my head.


Daddy_Tweets Finding poop in your shower drain is never funny… or IS it?


GamerUK Back to Life, Back to reality. Washing 12 hours of work-grime into the shower drain is like having a new start!


StevePaulo Plumber is here. Hopefully he will keep the #poocano from reemerging from our shower drain.


woahxitsmelissa i think my shower drain just threw up. and thats a legiitt statement.


marshallw Some people look like they’ve been slowly pulled out of their own shower drain.


chrismar035 Me: 1 – Clogged Shower Drain: 0


kylespence How the jingle go “the best part of waking up….” “is unclogging a shower drain full of your wifes hair…..yyyyeeeeaaahhhh.” nailed it!


Teresa10 Seriously considering hiring a cleaning person just to unclog my shower drain. It’s like there was another person in there!! Sick. Ness.


pablo_valencia Effing scarred for life. If you only saw the vile, disgusting things I just pulled out of my sister’s shower drain while snaking it!


goldengateblond The hairball I just pulled out of the shower drain was so big I think I should call Locks of Love.

$13,000 Will Buy You Extreme Awesomeness

So if your got a little of ten thousand dollars to spare you could be the proud owner of this amazing machine. The hovercraft was built by New Zealander Rudy Heeman (@ThisIsGenius on Twitter). You start from the water and once you reach speeds of around 45 MPH you can begin to lift off. It has a top speed of just over 62 MPH and has a range of 140 miles. Made from mostly fiberglass, it’s 13 feet long, has a 100 HP inboard motor and comes with a purpose built trailer, GPS, ASI, and all the engine gauges. It doesn’t require a license to fly, but you have to obey boat rules when on or above the water.

This machine is fast and furious,it roars like a lion,and is not for the ”faint hearted”.It is adrenalin pumping and exciting.Flying an aircraft,the best part is the takeoff and landing,this machine is always in takeoff and landing position,but there is always a runway beneath you.

UPDATE: The auction (which ends next Saturday) is now up to nearly $30,000. Sorry to get your hopes up…we’ll see what it actually sells for.

We All Have Our Standards

The “Cartel” Gets a Little Too Pushy

We’ve all been victim to those cute little girls peddling their addictive “drugs” outside of our favorite supermarket. What’s harder to resist…their sweet smiles or the siren song of those delicious Peanut Butter Patties, Thin Mints (anyone else eat them frozen?) or Somoas?

Well one constituent of Seattle City Councilmember Tim Burgess has had enough of their tactics. Burgess is trying to pass a law that would make it illegal for “panhandlers” (anyone asking for money on the streets) to do so in an aggressive manner. This seems to be a good idea…no one wants a homeless person following them down the street demanding coins but check out this email to Tim’s office:

From: xxxxxxx
Sent: Monday, March 01, 2010 3:38 PM
To: Burgess, Tim
Subject: Panhandling ordinance

Councilmember Burgess:

I was strongly opposed to your panhandling proposal until my experience on the streets of downtown West Seattle yesterday. Now I totally understand where you’re coming from.

Here’s what happened: on the way to the West Seattle Farmer’s Market, I encountered a band of Girl Scouts aggressively promoting cookie sales within spitting distance of a KeyBank ATM where I was withdrawing money. The situation was so extreme that I could actually hear their aggressive, repeated, high-pitched solicitations at the very moment I was entering my PIN. Then as my cash was dispensed and I nervously removed my receipt — trying to stay calm despite this invasion of my constitutional right to not be confronted by my relative class status — I saw two adult women. They were the ringleaders, I assume. They didn’t seem to be doing anything but watching over the whole scene and talking discreetly to each other about god knows what. All in all, a nerve-racking experience.

So there they were, asking for money, repeatedly, despite my lack of interest in what was on offer, all happening well within 15 feet of an ATM. Would this be banned by the your ordinance? I certainly hope so, because there’s a long history of applying laws like this inequitably, almost as an excuse to push poor people out of desirable areas instead of addressing the actual problem.

Thanks for any information you can offer.

And their response:

From: Van Duzer, Nate 9:39 AM (1 hour ago) Hi xxxx,

In answer to your basic question, yes, this ordinance would apply equally to everyone who solicits. If approved, there will be extensive education of the police and people on the street about the new ordinance and what behavior will and will not be allowed.

Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Sincerely,
Nate Van Duzer
Nate Van Duzer
Legislative Aide
Councilmember Tim Burgess
206-684-8806
nate.vanduzer@seattle.gov

I know they can be intimidating at times and often setup at the least opportune spots (for you that is) but this may be going a little too far. Funny aside, I saw them selling outside a Hometown Buffet this last weekend…I couldn’t decide if that was really stupid or really smart. How you ever been “aggressively” coerced into buying those binge inducing goodies?

Conan Funnier Than Leno In 140 Characters

Although CoCo is no longer on the airwaves you can still catch a little bit of his witty humor on his Twitter account (@ConanOBrien). What I find interesting is that with just 140 characters he still manages to be much more entertaining than 60 minutes of Jay’s Tonight Show (please don’t click that link). Conan’s recent Tweet was this gem here:

http://twitpic.com/1695g1 – This is how many people it took to write today’s tweet: “Jumbo” shrimp? WTF!!

The Reason I Was Late This Morning

Scientists at NASA are reporting that the 8.8 magnitude Chilean earthquake the other day has shifted the Earth’s axis and actually made the days just a wee bit shorter. So if you were late to work today maybe you can us that as an excuse.

Apparently each day will now be 1.26 microseconds shorter, according to preliminary calculations. A microsecond is one-millionth of a second. If I’ve done my math correctly…and I’m not sure I have…in your lifetime that equates to about .034 of a second. I’ve really got to get off these interents and start living it up. Time is falling away left and right here.

See what happens is a large quake shifts massive amounts of rock and changes the distribution of mass on the planet. When that happens the speed at which the earth spins is altered just slightly.

“Any worldly event that involves the movement of mass affects the Earth’s rotation,” Benjamin Fong Chao, of NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland, said. Scientists liken it to an ice skater pulling in their arms to spin faster.

Richard Gross, a geophysicist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, used a computer model to determine that the quake should have moved the Earth’s figure axis about 3 inches.

The 9.1 magnitude Indian earthquake (the tsunami one) in 2004 also caused the days to be shortened. That one actually lost us 6.8 microseconds per day. It’s not all bad though…seems it can occur that the days length can increase too. If the Three Gorges reservoir in China were filled, it would hold 10 trillion gallons of water. The shift of mass would lengthen days by about 0.06 microsecond. So if you’re worried about the lost time maybe you ought to head over there and get to work with a pail.

Canada Golds In Condom Distribution

While they did manage to sneak into 3rd overall in the medal count finishing with a total of 26 they also got the highest number of golds as well at 14. We all of course know that the US finished with a grand total 37 besting the 2nd place Germans by 7.

There were many highs and low for our neighbors up north throughout these games…starting with the pitiful opening ceremonies (as a low) and ending with their men’s hockey gold (a high…for them). But of all their accomplishments over the last two weeks, a lesser known one is their record for prophylactic distribution. The British Columbia Centre for Disease Control handed out a whopping 100,000 condoms. The amazing thing is that there were rumors that even with those staggering numbers there may have been a shortage still.

One of the officials involved stated, “We were not getting calls from people saying, ‘Help, I need condoms,’” but mentioned that they had ordered an additional 8,500. The free condoms were available not just to athletes and game officials but also on cruise ships that housed security, support staff and volunteers. They were also placed in bathrooms in and near the Olympic venues and handed out in the downtown area.

Nearly 40,000 of the condoms, however, were earmarked for the athletes. That’s a whole lot of sex going on over a 17 day period. You may or may not have read the story two years ago about sex in the Olympic village but apparently it’s a big deal. You’ve got a lot of young (normally fairly attractive) athletes all living in close proximity. Once they’ve finished competing what else is there to do than “mingle” for a couple of days. It’d be interesting to see the number of children that are born 9 months from now amongst all of the competitors….I’ll bet it’s a little higher than normal. But with hundreds of thousands of rubbers floating around maybe not.

Twitter Search: “Worst Smelling”

Bruceeverett Hot dogs make the worst smelling puke, or the worst smelling puke makes hot dogs?

thesmacman I’m in the worst smelling bathroom that I have ever experienced. Will be exiting asap



tubaGOODING_JR Some of the prettiest people have the worst smelling breath #random



lesleykat I am in the worst smelling cab ever. At least he’s got the state of the union on the radio.



JV When I was in High School there was a girl named Shannon who had the worst smelling YAM in the world U could smell it from yards away

ChefCreezle This sketchy fuck just walked past me smoking the WORST smelling bud I’ve ever the misfortune of experiencing. #Epicfail

UhOhOreooo These past two days, I’ve had like the worst smelling farts ever. Idk what’s up. They’re like dead cat and rotten egg status. Haha.

SUstan10 I swear lousiana is the worst smelling state. Like sweet ass after a rough workout.



fart_robot RT @jessicafayex Lauren has just done the worst smelling fart known to man! Ewwwwwwwww. FART ROBOT APPROVES.

TheBadderman I just took one of the worst smelling dumps of my adult life. In my flat mates toilet, of course.

sarahcloud My orthodontist has the worst smelling breath in the entire world. It is disgusting.



MrMikeJeff What is about bootys dat has us niggas so amaze when we see a fat round plump ass? I mean the ass is the worst smelling part on the body rit

Sadly, We’re Not Far Off

Tracy Morgan Presents Chickendales

If you missed the Daily Show the other night you missed the always hilarious Tracy Morgan. He sat down with Jon Stewart to chat a little about his new movie Cop Out, which opens yesterday (and co-stars Bruce Willis and was directed by Kevin Smith). This is probably one of the only movies all year long that I’ll see on opening weekend.

I think Tracy Morgan is one of the most underrated comedians around. Even with co-workers as brilliant as Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock he still manages to be the high point of most episodes.

During the below chat with Mr. Stewart he talks about his “beautiful hair” in 360 waves makin’ ‘em seasick, how he’s “oldschool” and doesn’t pullout, how he’d like to see Evil Knievel (currently in a motorized wheelchair) just jump 4 phonebooks now-a-days and his idea to open a Chickendales…serving fried chicken with Bruce Vilanch and “that black guy from Magnum P.I. that played TC” as strippers.

Additionally here is a rap video he did with Jimmy Kimmel as Primo on the Jimmy Kimmel Live Show the other night. It’s called IMPREGN8ED.

Hottie look hot, but there’s somethin aint right…
The humps be jumpin, but the tummy’s too tight…
You know, that I know, that you know I’d be elated…
If you let me get your uterus impregnated…